A childs perspective....

Today was a hard day...physically and mentally. I have been to the doctor more than my share over the past 7 months...that is for sure. However, this morning at 4:00 I woke up in unbearable pain and got Dave up to take me to the emergency room. I had been running a fever and was achy and had severe back pain....question is...who do you call at 4:00 in the morning to watch your kids. You don't, unfortunately you have to wake them up and take them with you. I was there for 7 hours where they were able to rule out a blood clot but did confirm that I have kidney infection. I know it seems like I have had every kind of infection these last few weeks. My body is exhausted. Dave was able to get the kids some breakfast and knowing that I was on an IV drip for pain and able to rest a little he was able to take the kids home for a while. I was released at 12 and had to be back at Dr. Windoms at 2. I don't like to complain...but I am. He was able to take me off some of the medicine....some I finished taking...and put me on more. At least he gave me some sleeping medicine...I have resisted that as long as I could.

A childs perspective....on the way to the doctors appointment Landon told me that we had 2 kids and if we hadn't had Harper she wouldn't have been sick and neither would Mommy. Kendall kept saying baby Harper died and she is in heaven. Dave and I just looked at each other...shocked on their new perspective. How hard it must be for them to see me feel good one minute and so sick the next and to lose a baby sister....Landon was trying to tell me that I was being selfish. We have two perfectly healthy kids...why would we have to put everyone through this? I have no anwsers except that once again I love being a mommy and had never anticpated any problems with the pregnancy or baby Harper.

Dr. Windom did have the pathology reports for us today....a hard pill to swallow...kind of...depending on how you look at it....the placenta was the only problem. Baby Harper's chromosome test all came back "normal"...which means my body just couldn't provide a safe enough environment for her too grow. Sometimes you wonder if the test were to come back with other problems it might give you a better answer as to why this had to happen....that is not the case....and now I have to wonder did I catch this too late? We will never really know the answers....